Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
