Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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