If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
