Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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