im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
God, I missed his penis.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
