she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
