can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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