This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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