remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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