frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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