Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
