I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
