I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
