so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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