Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
