I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
