Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize