I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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