I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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