That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
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I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize