My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
