do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I can't turn off my feet"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
