If that was your dad, he is hot
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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