Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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