i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
