The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
