I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
