so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
