oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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