yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
