I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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