my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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