there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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