well you can't waste a boner
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
