i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
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He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
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He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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