its not stalking. its research.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
