He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
