I wish I could teleport
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
my liver is dry heaving
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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