he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
