hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
