Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
