In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
