You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
