yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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