i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
