sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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