my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
