update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
