if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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