dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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