ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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