I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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