i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
