and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
