Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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