Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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