he puts the penis in happiness.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
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i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
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Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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