oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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