omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
