you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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