My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
