I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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