On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize