He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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