I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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