The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
it's like iHOP with fire
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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