how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
